Fear of Failure (The Power of Insecurity)

​The door of success hangs by two hinges; Insecurity and Self-Assuredness. Success can result from either. It's possible to be so insecure that perceptions of others drive us to do whatever is necessary to succeed in our chosen field of endeavor. Or, we can be so self-assured that nothing others may believe will influence or deter us from our focused goals.

The insecure, regardless of their success often remain insecure. For them it is insecurity that continues to push them ever onward. For many not as accomplished, insecurities can have the opposite effect, by keeping success at bay.

Those who have shed their insecurities or have overcome the hardships insecurity represents are no longer held hostage by what others may think. These people believe themselves ‘worthy’ regardless of their situational efforts and outcomes. Being secure within they are not concerned or bothered by setbacks. More importantly their energies are not attached to others’ perceptions of their efforts. This produces a confidence to understand they’re not unblemished and will not win every time. Life being what it is, no matter what may happen they know they will most likely have another opportunity.

Take the example of a baseball or a solitary (card game) player. Both know they will continue to get another chance (at bat/at cards) as long as they participate in the game. It’s understood they will not ‘get a hit’/win each hand every time. With this in mind they can approach each game knowing they have a chance to get a hit/win every time because there is no pressure not to be successful. In baseball accumulated at-bat statistics over three hundred (and up to five hundred) is considered highly successful. And that’s only three (to five) out of ten!

Eliminating pressures to succeed (in someone else’s eyes, or for another’s approval) one can mentally approach each game reaffirming, “Today I will get three hits”. By practicing the skills that produce success one can begin to recognize patterns that lead to successful achievement. This cognition of patterns reinforces the knowledge that even though one may not get a hit, the patterns of success will show themselves again and again, which begets opportunities for greater success.

We all know (of) or recognize someone who is at the top of their field, industry or business. We should also recognize their extraordinary energy and effort invested to get to the top, and then to stay there. And good for them because the world needs “movers and shakers.”

What about the rest of us? What of those whose dreams have been cut short or altered by life somewhere, somehow along the way? What of those in situations that preclude the kind of singular focus required to do 'whatever it takes’ to attain the top and stay there? What of those whose dreams were attached to another's approval, or love? What about when fear of failure is greater than the anticipated joy of success? Or when negative outcomes overwhelm (or are perceived to be) a more powerful response than possible success? What of those who have put aside their dreams?

Potential success dwells deep in the psyche as ‘acceptance worthiness’ and it is generally blunted by insecurities. Shadows of disappointment past and present housed as encroaching memories (by parents in their own failures) can vicariously effect the support, demands or efforts of our children. Too often recalled patterns of unfulfilled expectations can become an emotional “Damocles sword” for parent and child. When fear of failure is more intensely tied to “How I (or my efforts) will be perceived by others, my focus is realigned from “I will get three hits today.” The joy for the participant is getting the hits.

Our challenge is to overcome feelings of inadequacy spawned by fear of failure and instead learn the power of triumph in the effort, which is reflected by our successes. The reward is our response to the challenge, not others’ perceived approval or anticipated disappointments. When one is secure their efforts become a testing ground for self-improvement, not leverage of another’s acceptance, love or praise. Failure’s condemnation loses its powerful grip when the mirror’s reflection can say, “I did my best and will again.”

Don’t be afraid to fail. A new attitude will allow you to stay in the game and continue to take your turn at bat. Encourage yourself to recognize the patterns of your successes. Start to use these patterns again and again. As your efforts bear fruit your insecurities will start to melt away. Your worthiness will no longer be tied to anything (or anyone) except your own participation and goals. Then, transfer this acknowledged worthiness to every effort and relationship in your life.

The door of success hangs by two hinges; Insecurity and Security. Both can spur accomplishment. One set will keep you focused and on task for as long as you are physically, mentally or emotionally able. The other will allow you to succeed at the joy of living, while experiencing the success of your efforts in accord with your goals, for as long and at every game in which you choose to participate. Your opportunity is to make both hinges the same in order to open the door to your success.